I won’t speculate on the dreaming patterns of anyone reading this, but if you’re like me you only have about three or four dreams a year that your remember in any significant detail. Half of those are variations of the same four horrific nightmares that you get when you’re stressed or anxious, which have plagued you since puberty. The other half will be memorable for the sheer level of weirdness that goes on in the dream, or for their terror value. And then you get the ones that are a combination of the two. Last night I had one such dream.
It was primarily about Salamanders. Now, don’t get me wrong, salamanders are cool, and very interesting creatures, but ever since I discovered photographs of the Chinese and Japanese Giant Salamanders on the internet about six months ago, I have developed a deep-seated fear of the creatures, because honestly? They are big enough to eat me.
Hokay. So. The dream started out with me walking through my college campus and sort of randomly discovering that there was a tour group of potential students walking around, getting the guided look about campus. I started following the group because I-don’t –know-why.
Then, the tour guide announced that the group would be viewing the Native Forest and Creek Restoration Area next. Dream-Me thought “Holy shit, why did I know now that WOU had a magically sustainable forest kingdom tucked away in a small pocket of alternate dimension?” I was pretty astounded, and not a little bit impressed.
Any who, the group proceeded to walk along, taking a sharp right at that one bench across the street from the University Center and voila! We were in the Environmentally Friendly Magical Sub-Space Dimension. It was a very pretty, with lots of shiny and sparkling old growth coniferous foliage, and frolicking forest animals, with a trickling, crystal-clear creek that made charming bubbling-brook sounds as it flowed along through it all.
I was awed by beauty of it all, and became side tracked. I lost sight of the rest of the group and instead had the tramp along the bank of the creek, looking for the rest of the group shat the guide could lead me back out of this strange and wonderful place.
I was walking long for a while, getting lots of dirt all over me, when all of a sudden, BAM! A frighteningly attractive blond woman appeared from the underbrush like a ghost and walked into the creek carrying a wooden bucket. Her rather abrupt entrance and her Barbie-like physique caused me some surprise and trepidation, causing me to also step (read: trip and fall flailing) down into the creek. Also, I was suddenly barefoot, as if my shoes had been too much of a pollution-producing, child-slavery-encouraging, corrupt-capitalist-government-supporting travesty to continue to exist in is eco-terrorist’s paradise.
The woman frowned at Dream-Me and reached into her bucket, pulling out a black salamander the size of my forearm. “What on earth are you doing in the creek?” she asked me. “Only trained professionals are allowed to feed the salamanders.”
And then Dream-Me was all “WTF. Why do you have that salamander?”
And then the Supreme Barbie Look-a-like Champion let the salamander she was holding fall into the creek. It promptly wiggled away and buried itself into the pebbled creek-bed. she was all “This is a salamander sanctuary. And only employees are allowed to feed them.”
Dream-Me was really confused and slightly scared of the impressive amount of cosmetics that caked her face. I was all “Um, I just want to get back to the tour group.”
She looked at me like I was mildly retarded, or something, and reached back into her bucket and pulled out a piece of raw and bloody meat.
I was all repulsed and confused when she then threw the meat into the creek. Then all of a sudden the creek bed beneath my bare feet began to writhe and pulse and ripple, and even more all of a sudden huge black slimy salamander limbs rose up from the creek bed, closely followed by giant, gaping, blood red salamander mouths full of dripping saliva and razor sharp fangs.
I was seized by a fit of terror, my chest all tight, my heart in my throat, frozen in place. It was worse than discovering a nest of mutant blood-sucking spiders have taken up residence on your bathroom ceiling.
All of the salamanders started trying to get to the meat and I was freaking out, and then the slimy-ness I was standing on heaved up and I fell into the mass of giant wriggly crushing salamander bodies and then I woke up.
Below I have created a graphic representation of my dream last night to summarize my narrative of the event:
The salamanders were about this size, only black. And they were scary enough that they could have started breathing fire if they hadn’t, um… been completely submerged in water. Also, I would like to assert that I don’t have hairy, hurley-burley arms in real life. In real life my arms are pasty and a little flabby. Also I wasn’t really grasping the salamanders I was screaming in horror and petrified with fear, with abolutely no intention to embrace the terror-inducing monsters.
*The original photo for my graphic represtnation was found at: http://www.buamai.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/bb-japanese-giant-salamander.jpg I do not own the photo nor do I intend to make money from it’s use here.
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